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& I'm just a girl

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08-11-03

Oops. I've been so tired, that, every day for the last week, as soon as I've come in after working, I've gone to bed & slept all night through. You have no idea how relieved I am that it's the weekend.

As I was dwadling into town this morning, Stud came past, walking his bike with a brand new TV on the back - it's been weeks since I last saw Stud so I told him to come up sometime for a cup of tea & a chat. Then put in the fact that I've missed him - which I have. He said he will so we can have our quick 3 hour long chats over countless cups of tea & Cadbury mini rolls again. Just like old times.

I'm feeling much better than I was. But that may just have something to do with the fact I have 14 videos I've never watched before on my bed, just begging me to see them & a new door stop book which just has to be read. & tons of chocolate & a tub of ice cream. Yummy.

02-11-03

Bear & I have sorted things out - kind of. I'm still not happy about the way he's been treating me but I don't care enough for it to bother me that much. Granted, had it been someone who actually mattered to me, then it would have hurt. But he doesn't matter because of who he is.

I slept terribly last night. The wind was so strong it was rattling the windows & seemed like it was going to shatter them into a million pieces, into little specks of broken, shattered glass embedded in the carpet. The rain hammered down & the wind was howling - it was a horrible night. It reminded me of then, of that night. A night I wish I could forget. But like the glass, the memories, what happened that night will be embedded in my mind forever. I didn't cry because of it last night. Then again, I didn't cry when it happened either - I wish I had done & then maybe it wouldn't have happened in the first place.

01-11-03

Squirt & I had a long chat about Satan & I appear to be unable to convince her that he's no good for her. Maybe if I told her what happened between he & I long ago she'd see things in a different light, but I don't want her hurting anymore than she already is, so I won't.

& I've decided I can't stand even the sight of Bear. Yesterday, he sat there in his smarmy way, being arrogant & annoying & I looked at him & just felt so mad. We're both ignoring each other, although he came round this morning to see me. I didn't particularly want to see him, so I was blunt & he didn't stay long. Thank God.

Last night was horrible - I felt let down by everyone & nothing made me feel better, not even laying in bed watching Friends with a giant tub of ice cream all to myself. I don't know that I'm feeling much better today.